Let us talk about this "Talking Stage" pandemic because it’s getting out of hand. We’ve turned getting to know someone into a permanent residency, and I’m here to say that the visa has expired.

I’ll be real: if we’ve been "talking" for three months and the only thing we’ve established is that we both like Party Jollof rice and 2 AM voice notes, we have a very big problem. I don't know who started this idea that you need six months of vibes and"eat for me or else I'll be angry with you" texts before you decide if you actually want to be with someone.

We are out here acting like we’re waiting for a bill to be passed in the National Assembly just to call a relationship a relationship. I’m tired of the "We’re just seeing where it goes" line. Where exactly is it going? Is it going to a wedding? Is it going to the lagoon? Or is it just going in circles?

The Talking Stage used to be the "preface" of the book. Now, people are trying to make it the entire 500-page novel. And frankly, my data is too expensive for me to be "good morning-ing" you every day for 90 days without a clear job description.

The "Vibe" Delusion

The problem is that the Talking Stage has become a safe haven for people who want the benefits of a relationship without the "premium stress" of commitment. It’s a place where you can be "exclusive" when it’s convenient but "single" when a better option slides into your DMs.

You’re basically playing a character in a movie that hasn't been cast yet. You’re doing the work of a girlfriend: listening to his problems, checking on his health, fanning his ego... but on your ID card, it still says "Spectator." We need to stop romanticizing this phase. If you are "talking" for three months, you aren't getting to know each other anymore; you are just keeping each other's company because you’re bored.

The 90-Day Rule

I’ve realized that three months is the absolute limit. In 90 days, I have seen your "good" morning face, I have seen your "bad" day attitude, and I’ve probably heard your favorite childhood story twice. By the end of month three, the "trial version" of this software should have expired.

If you still "don't know" what we are after three months, what you’re really saying is that you know it’s not me, but you don’t want to be alone yet. It’s a placeholder situation. You are using me to fill a gap while you wait for your "real" dream to arrive. And between you and me, I’m a "Move," not a placeholder.

The Truth

The truth is, "confusion" is often just a polite word for "lack of interest." When a man (or a woman) wants you, they don't leave you in the "Talking Stage" to rot. They want to secure the bag. They want to make sure nobody else is "talking" to what belongs to them.

If we are in the third month and you are still telling me "Let's not put a label on it," what you’re really telling me is "I want to be able to leave without feeling guilty." Labels are not cages; labels are definitions. I need to know if I’m in a boardroom or a playground so I can dress accordingly.

Don't let anyone waste your "fine girl" years in a stage that has no exit sign. If the conversation isn't evolving into a commitment, it’s just noise. And I’ve reached my limit for noise pollution.

The Bottom Line

Stop being afraid to ask the "What are we?" question. If asking that question scares them away, then let them run! They were already halfway out the door anyway.

You aren't "desperate" for wanting clarity; you are just high-value. You are a CEO who doesn't have time for a meeting that could have been an email. Set your expiration date and stick to it. If the contract isn't signed by Day 90, pack your bags and move to the next "Move."

Life is too short to be someone’s "almost."