If there is one thing that will make you realize that your life is not your own in this country, it is planning a Nigerian wedding.

If some people had their way, their wedding would be ten people in a nice restaurant, a very expensive dress, and a flight ticket to somewhere where nobody can reach them. But no. In Nigeria, your wedding is the "Grand Finale" of your parents' social career. It is the day they finally get to "show" their friends that they have also "arrived."

You’ll see a budget of 5 million Naira (and that’s even the "unserious" budget these days) being spent to feed people that you haven't spoken to since you were in diapers. You are spending your life savings, or worse, your parents are stressing their retirement funds to entertain "Mummy Junior from the street" and "Chief's third wife" who will still complain that the salt in the jollof rice was not enough. It is a high-level scam, and we are all just playing along like we don't know.

The Guest List of "Strangers"

The most "brain-bursting" part is the guest list. You start by saying you want 100 people. Then your mother brings her list of 150 people. You ask, "Mummy, who is Mrs. Ajayi?" And she looks at you with shock. "How can you not know Mrs. Ajayi? She was the one who held your leg during your naming ceremony! She is the treasurer of the August Meeting!" Suddenly, your intimate wedding has turned into a political rally. You are paying for plates of food for people who don't even know your middle name. These people aren't there to celebrate your love; they are there for the "Souvenir" and to check if the lace you chose for Aso-ebi is "original" or "grade 2." You are basically hosting a 5-million-naira party for people who will forget your wedding date by the next Saturday.

The "Aso-Ebi" Tax

Then there is the "vawulence" of Aso-ebi. We’ve turned friendship into a subscription service. If you don't buy the 40k lace, are you even a "real" friend?

We put so much pressure on our peers to fund the "aesthetic" of our day. You see people who are struggling to pay rent, but they are "forced" to buy a fabric they will only wear once, just so your "hall" can look uniform. We are all performing for the camera. We want the "Wedding Digest" feature, we want the slow-motion videos, but at the end of the day, the couple is exhausted, the parents are broke, and the guests are already complaining about the traffic on the way home.

The Real Gist

We need to start asking: "Who is this for?"

If you ask most couples, they are stressed throughout the entire process. They are fighting over guest lists, crying over vendor prices, and trying to please two sets of parents who have different ideas of what "classy" looks like.

We are spending "Home Ownership" money on a six-hour event. 5 million Naira could be the down payment for a house, it could be a master's degree, it could be the "seed" for that business you’ve been talking about. But instead, we are literally "eating" the money and flushing it down the toilet. We’ve been conditioned to think that the "size" of the wedding equals the "strength" of the marriage. But I’ve heard of 20-million-naira weddings end in six months and "Courtroom" weddings last forty years.

The Bottom Line

Stop letting "Tradition" gaslight you into debt.

If your parents want a 500-person party, let them pay for it. But don't kill yourself trying to fund a "performance" for people you don't even like. A wedding is a day; a marriage is a lifetime.

We need to normalize small, meaningful weddings where every person in the room actually knows the couple's story. I’d rather have 20 people who love me and a huge bank balance, than 500 people who are just there for the jollof and a "zero" account.

Marriage is hard enough, don't start it with a 5-million-naira debt.