When one brother, sister, uncle, or aunt finally travels outside the country or place, like the UK or Europe, something changes immediately. That person is no longer just Taiwo or Aunty Jemila. They become "our helper", "our provider", "my number one gee", and a money machine. Even before they settle down, people are already thinking of how to bill them and what they might send home. Is this fair? Let's explore.

In Nigeria, if someone travels abroad, the celebration and ambience are that of a wedding celebration. People say things like "We will soon have a house" and "Our problems are over." To them it's like the person has gone to pluck money from a tree. But money doesn't grow on trees abroad. Ok, we all know the dollar may be stronger than the naira, but living abroad is also very expensive.What many people don't see is how they rent a small room, wake up at 5 a.m., take buses in the cold, and work long hours. Pay rent, electricity, transport, food, taxes, phone bills, and health insurance. By the time you finish paying everything, the money left may not be as big as your family thinks. But back home, your relatives are imagining that you are swimming in money. They don’t see the loneliness, the stress, the racism some people face, the fear of losing their jobs, or the pressure of sending money home every month. They only see currency.Sometimes when the person abroad sends money like N200,000 or N500,000, instead of saying thank you, some relatives say, "Is that all?" or "I thought you were in America?" What they don't see is the stress they go through, and sometimes if they don't send money to the family for a period of time, let's say 3 months, the family labels them a stingy person, a wicked person, or just someone not looking out for the family.

Imagine working day and night, skipping meals, and wearing old clothes just to send money home, and someone says, “Is that all?” That can break a person’s heart. But let's be honest, some persons abroad also intentionally disappoint the family.Some people travel abroad and suddenly forget where they came from. Before they travelled, they were humble. After they travel, they stop picking up calls, ignore messages, look down on family members, and act like everyone at home is useless. That is not good. If someone supported you when you were struggling, prayed for you, or borrowed money to help you travel, you should not treat them like strangers. Going abroad does not mean you are better than everyone. It only means you changed location.

I remember one of my uncles in Spain, who claims, and people also claim, he has bastard money, a very expensive car, and a very huge mansion. But anytime he wants to send us goods to Nigeria, it's always the stuff he and his family have used. Some of the stuff starts looking worn out and old. Then I asked myself, "Does he look at his family as people he can just dump old stuff on, or people that if we see used abroad stuff, we start jumping on it like it's gold? Are we that 'useless in his eyes'?" Because what he sent to us really discouraged us. How can I have someone who literally travels the world every year and yet can't drop up to N500k? But then it dawned on me that the money he spends isn't mine, and I wasn't there when he was crossing the desert trying to enter Europe. I wasn't there when he was suffering and trying to better his life.

It is wrong when family members treat their relative abroad like an ATM, only call when they need money, don’t care about their mental health, compare them to another person abroad, and forget they are human beings. And also wrong when the person abroad acts proud. Stops helping even when they can, treats their family like beggars, forgets their roots, and uses small help to insult people. Both sides must be fair. There must be a balance. Some people stop working because their family member is in America. What if the person looses their job? Instead of over-depending on that person, why don't you try and focus on yourself? Develop yourself, learn a skill. When you've become responsible, then the pressure reduces.

Another funny but true scenario is when you've not travelled, nobody really gives a hoot about you. They call you Brother Ayo, or you're not even invited to special meetings because they really just don't care about you. But once they hear you've travelled abroad, they'll start calling you “my dear brother", “my lovely sister”, “we miss you so much", and "my padi". Why? Because of what they can gain. That is not love. That is selfishness. Real love should not depend on location. If you didn’t care about someone when they were in Nigeria, don’t suddenly pretend to care because they now earn in dollars. That behaviour damages trust.

Let's think for a moment. Imagine you move to a far country alone. No friends, no family, cold weather. Different food, different culture. Now imagine every week, someone calls asking for money. Not “How are you?” Not “Are you eating well?” Not “Are you okay?” Just “Send something.” That can make someone feel lonely and used. At the same time, imagine being in Nigeria, struggling with school fees, rent, and feeding. You know your brother is abroad. You feel like he should help more. You feel frustrated. So both sides feel pressure. That is why understanding is important. The person abroad can say, 'This is how much I earn and how much I spend,' and then the family can say what they need at the moment and also be appreciative of the effort the person puts in.

Abroad is not heaven. If someone sends you N50k, be thankful. 1M, still be thankful. And if you're abroad, don't insult someone or say, "Your life wouldn't have been better without me." When one person travels abroad, it should not mean “They will carry all of us.” It should mean, “We are proud of you. Do your best. We will also do ours.” That mindset changes everything.

Sometimes the family is wrong. Sometimes the person abroad is wrong. Sometimes both are wrong. Sometimes both are trying their best. But one thing is clear: "Stop treating your family member abroad like an ATM" and "Stop acting proud when you travel."